Not only do you have to wear blue contact lenses, you have to “Single White Female every aspect of their appearance”, like, if they have a beard you have to grow one too. It’s a humour article, the citations are real, the suggestions are tongue-in-cheek. (And I have three points!)

You don’t have to constantly wear red, nor hang out it with a group of people or cheerleaders wherever you go. You don’t have to date blued eyed men, or men altogether. You don’t need to fool people into thinking you’re attractive. I hope that clarifies. I’m certainly not wearing blue contact lenses etc.!